Greetings fellow travelers of time and space! Welcome to the first official posting of Barrens Chat, a soon to be weekly implement of random craziness. Although I know I'm not the first comic strip, and likely I wont be the last to grace these glorious virtual pages, I invite you to take a romp with me, Megan, as I drag forth those silly comments people make that they hope no one noticed, and glorify them with fancy colors, and ever-changing art.
I will point out that although all of this is will all be incredibly funny to everyone who reads it, including me; it may end up being a "you had to be there" moment. In that case, come back next week! I'm sure it'll be funnier then. No really, it will.
This one is just barely related to World of Warcraft, but it's just too good to pass up: behold, Engineers of all races. Our real-life scientists are working on your favorite companion. Animal behavior scientists at Hampshire College have created a real-life mechanical squirrel.
And "Rocky," as they call him, is a lot more helpful than the noncombat version in Azeroth -- apparently by using the robot squirrel to mimic real-life squirrel behavior, they can "decode" what squirrels are saying. And supposedly that will help them figure out the same behavior (or at least parallels) in humans.
Their mechanical squirrel looks a little more realistic than ours -- they must have added some wool in with the Malachite and the Copper Modulator. But if science can do this with a mechanical squirrel, just think what could be accomplished with an exploding sheep!
I've had my fun with rick rolling before. But Rastley and GM Khadarish took it to a new level when Rastley managed to rick roll a GM, all while getting a few gold spammers taken care of. The original screenshot of this was posted on the Customer Service forums, with various CMs and GMs sounding in. Belfaire even comes on to authenticate the conversation.
I really enjoy it when the Blizzard staff interacts with the fan base like this. We've even been lucky enough to get whisked away for some special face time. I think it shows that behind the corporate face they have to put on, they're really just people too – and like a joke now and then. I wouldn't recommend doing this however, since you might catch a GM that doesn't think it's funny – but since it worked in this case, it's golden.
Check out after the break for the full screenshots. Pretty funny stuff.
Comedy Central's Indecision 2008 blog is feeling froggy -- after we posted about their failed attempt at World of Warcraft humor, they got the original writer of their article, who is apparently an old school D&D gamer, to respond to our allegations that the piece wasn't funny. He calls us WoW players "Lancelot-come-latelies," and says that before we ever rolled our first Night Elf, he was rolling d20s in his friend's parents' basement.
Which may be true. But he's wrong about one thing: we WoW players are funny. Just look at our memes, our injokes, and our heroes, from Steve to Leeroy Jenkins. We know funny. Tony DiGerolamo probably hasn't even ever tricked somebody into /gquitting -- he wouldn't know funny if it was an epic drop off of Saurfang himself! And he wants to play the nerd card by claiming he's nerdier than us? Listen, Tony, you may have been hanging out with your friends in basements, but we're hanging out in basements alone!
Wait...
At any rate, we hope the excellent Indecision 2008 blog has learned something from this experience: leave the Warcraft humor to those who've powerleveled it up to a 375 skill, and stick to the political jokes. Seriously, though, is Lewis Black hiring? Because I've got some jokes about Warlocks that are comedy gold!
Based on your votes last week for the best piece of anti-advice, congratulations to Eldron for submitting the winning entry: "Hey everyone! Type /afk list when to see who is afk!" He wins fame, respect, and ooh and ahhhs from crowds of adoring fans! Eldron's anti-advice won with 28.7% of the votes.
When I first saw this piece of anti-advice I have to admit I went and tried it right away. I went in AV and typed in /bg, "Man... look at all these AFK people." A few folks responded and agreed with me, annoyed about it. "Type /afk list and report everyone that comes up, please," I say next.
I kid you not – 15 people immediately afk'd out. At that point I started getting some pretty hate-filled tells, so I decided to /afk out myself.
But nonetheless, I just about died from laughter. Of course, this is kind of mean, and just a tad underhanded, but really... sometimes things like this are just too funny to pass up. I tried this again later in a AB match that was going awful, and after I told everyone to type /afk list, someone replied "Yeah, wow, look at all those people." He then sent me a tell: "lol! I've been doing that all day!"
All the people that were dragging us down left the BG, and new ones came in and we won. So maybe this isn't that bad of advice after all...
This week on PLP we're covering a reader request: RetPallyJil sent us a note and said that we should cover this much-maligned mace. So here you go: the Earthshaker, hated by all guilds who've ever run Molten Core back in the day.
Chance on hit: Knocks down all nearby enemies for 3 seconds. Which is actually kind of fun, especially in PvP, and the proc goes off pretty often, too. Radius of the proc is 5 yards (melee range), and one cool thing about it is that there's no limit to the number of enemies it hits -- as long as they're in that range, they get stunned for 3 seconds.
Increases attack power by 22.
As RetPallyJil says, this weapon is actually most famous for being "the single most unilaterally and unfairly unloved and underrated weapon ... ever." There are a number of reasons why this weapon is so hated, but we can start with the low DPS -- never good for a two-hander, and while the proc sometimes makes up for not, it doesn't work well enough for a min-maxer. Plus, just who's supposed to use this weapon? Most people who were wielding two-handers pre-BC were wielding something much more useful, and the stun was more of a novelty than anything else.
But the number one reason why this mace was so hated is probably just where it dropped -- as you can see below, it came from a boss in Molten Core. So imagine you finally get forty people together, finally organize them enough to down a couple of bosses, get to a place where (for some people) your first Tier 1 set piece might drop, and then... this "novelty" weapon. Didn't rub a lot of people the right way, and many, many shards were made with this weapon.
How to Get It: Drops from Magmadar in Molten Core, which, like I said, is probably one reason why people hate this thing so much -- if it had come from anywhere that didn't require 40 people and a few weeks of raiding, people probably would have appreciated the great proc a little more. Then again, back then, there weren't too many places to get epics anyway, and ... but I digress.
Anyway, make it to Magmadar, usually the second boss in MC (you've got to down Lucifron to get to him), and this drops at about at 22% rate from him. Back in the day, you could go with any run, and they'd be happy to let you take this off their hands (unless they wanted the shard). Nowadays, it's such a novelty that you might have to fight with the raid to get it, especially if there's another 2h wielder around. But it's easy to run -- come back the next week with another 5-10 guys, and odds are you'll get it again.
Getting Rid of It: You never know when that proc will be useful, so if you've got it, you might want to hang on to it. If not, it sells for 9g 19s 3c, and it doesn't disenchant at all. No, of course I'm kidding -- as anyone who's ever run MC knows, this will disenchant into a Nexus Crystal.
No idea how I missed this for so long (we reported on it once that I can find, way back in June of last year), but BBB is right -- The Scout Report is a terrific WoW webcomic that could probably use some more attention. From the very beginning, it's got pretty great timing and a healthy dose of cynicism. And it's super funny, which is always good for a webcomic.
Apparently it's been away for a while, but like BBB, we are happy that it's back (and I've got some archives to read through). We'll have to make sure to add it into the Sunday Morning Funnies from now on.
We get our motivation today from Thongsnapper (nice name) of Gorefiend who asks, if you could have any spell in Warcraft in real life, which one would you have? Hearthstone would be an interesting choice for sure, and Polymorph would make for an interesting life (though its uses might be pretty limited, considering that real life doesn't actually have aggro management), but I think personally I'm going to have to fall back on the old superpower standby: stealth. Moving around unseen just seems too fun to pass up.
Actually, I might second guess that -- in terms of practicality, healing spells might actually be more beneficial to the world. Wave your hands, and any ailments, no matter how big or small, are done away with. I'll have to give this some serious thought. In the meantime, let's hear it: if you could have any spell from the game in real life, which one would you choose?
I really don't know why, but lately my friends and I are trying to get each other to do something stupid with content we've already mastered. Last night I found myself talking to a good friend of mine and the conversation went something like this:
Me: "I'm bored. What are you up to?" Her: "Aran." Me: "Remember to move during the flame wreath." Her: "And stand in the blizzard, right?" Me: "Yeah, so you're cold when the flame wreath hits you."
Now obviously this is the exact opposite of what you want to do. But the sheer absurdity of it makes me laugh. I mean, who among us hasn't seen flame wreath and thought, "Hey, it'd be really funny if I moved right now. Everyone would probably want to kill me... but still, it'd be a great Leroy moment."
I don't think I'm alone in this. I've heard other people joke about it as well. That makes me feel good; proves that while I'm a geek, at least I have some company. But what I really want to know is what you all think about this. So here's what I want. Leave a comment with a piece of absurd advice that only WoW folks would understand.
Then, next weekend I'll pick the top five or so and we can all vote for the most absurd piece of WoW advice. No prize for the winner or anything like that, just bragging rights.
So tell us all - what is some of the most absurd and funny advice you can think of?
This week we take a trip once again into husky loot (a.k.a. cool items that anyone can grab) and dip into ye olde garbage bin at the Darkmoon Faire.
Name: Last Year's Mutton (Wowhead, Thottbot,MMODB) Type: Common One-hand Meat/Mace Damage/Speed: 44-82 / 2.00 (31.5 DPS) Abilities:
Pulverize your foes into mincemeat with this leg o' lamb. Whether you're biting down yourself, or flanking your foes until they're well-done, this club o' grub will let you tenderize even the toughest turkey. I'd steak my reputation on it!
Not to be confused with Last Month's Mutton (see in the right hand in the pic above), which does smell a little better, but isn't nearly as tough.. or green.
Unfortnately, weapon enchants don't currently appear on this item, so while it would be completely awesome to have a flaming mutton, apparently that can't happen. Yet.
How to Get It: How can you wield this Excalibur of Lunchmeats, this Frostmourne of Foods? All you've got to do is redeem 50 Darkmoon Faire tickets with Gelvas Grimgate, a goblin at the traveling Darkmoon Faire (it's either in Elwyn, Terrokar Forest, or Mulgore, depending on whatever week of the month you're in).
And how do you get tickets? WoW Insider's Daniel Whitcomb has you covered -- they're the main currency of the Faire, so there are all kinds of turn-in quests and various silly things to do to earn them. Get 50 (or just 10, if all you want is last month's meat), go to Gelvas, and the mutton's all yours!
Getting Rid of It: Is not a good idea -- who knows when you might be hungry next? But it isn't BoP, so you might be able to drop it in the AH. Otherwise it doesn't disenchant, but a vendor will give you 1g 93s 76c for it. Too bad you just can't eat it -- this would be the ultimate marinade!
Bornakk posted a poll on the forums the other day asking what everyone's favorite April Fool's joke from Blizzard was, and surprisingly (to me, anyway -- I thought Tauren Marines would win for sure), the Molten Core Atari game is winning. There's no question that the bears joke was great (it does make sense), but I thought the game looked a little boring. Blizzard fans disagree, however -- people like the pixelated versions of the old MC bosses.
Which brings us to the question of whether Blizzard could actually do this. Boffo says he'd shell out $10 to play this game, while other people say they'd spend as much as $30 to actually see it on retail shelves (or, more likely, as a download). The game looks like a version of Asteroids more than anything, and the trailer (on purpose, probably) don't really make it clear what the rules are. But it looks simple enough to put together -- maybe a weekend's work by a dedicated coder with some MC runs under his or her belt.
Instead of a release, though, it'd be more fun to see this implemented as a minigame somewhere. We already know that Blizzard is planning to do some mobile work, so maybe they could release this as a fun distraction for the iPhone while planning something bigger. Incorporating it into the main WoW game somewhere would be a fun possibility as well. I can't think of any other time when a Blizzard 4/1 joke actually made it into real life (Two-headed ogres aren't actually playable yet), but they might as well start here, right?
Corrosiveaffy on WoW LJ wants to know if there are any good ideas out there for guild ranks, and I can tell her that there are tons. There's the standard "rookie," "officer," "raider," and "veteran," but it seems like some guild ranks are even more creative than the guilds they're named after. I've seen all kinds of stuff, from "larva," "pupae" and "queen," to the old "padawan," "jedi" and "master" mentioned in the comments. One guild I was in way back just had two ranks: most people were "peons," and the GM was the only "king."
Usually it's funniest when they tie into the guild's name somehow -- I like the example of "The Nouns of Adjective" from the LJ comments, where the GM is called the "Pope of Punctuation." I know there are some more excellent ones out there, but whenever people fish around for them, they seem a little hard to come by. What are some of the best guild rank names you've seen?
Our favorite little web video series, The Guild, has been nominated for a 2007 YouTube award in the series category, and voting is going on right now over on YouTube's awards page. There are a lot of different categories to choose from, but if you click on "Series," you can see all the nominated web series, and The Guild is in the list down at the bottom. This isn't the first award they've been up for, but on the blog they claim it's one of the biggest.
In the interests of fairness, we should remind you that you should vote for the series you like best -- Collegehumor's "Street Fighter: The Later Years" series is a funny bit of video, especially if you're a fan of the old fighting game. But we here at WoW Insider have a soft spot for The Guild, not only because it captures so perfect (and so weirdly) what it's like to have friends you've only known through Azeroth, but because, you know, they're WoW players, too.
We love covering cool fanmade crafts here on WoW Insider, but now there's a blog that covers the dark side of "Warcrafts." World of Warcrafting is a new blog that... well, at first, I thought it was a joke, but now I can't tell. Something like this Green Dragon looks like a pretty good attempt at crafting (an attempt, anyway), but the stapleserpent seems just too funny to be real.
If it is a joke, whoever's behind it isn't showing their hand at all -- the about and submission pages talk pretty seriously about their conviction for crafting. Although they don't win any points from me for saying "Dungeons and Dragons is kinda played and we don't condone or support dorkyness in hi-school." The tone is almost too perfect to be real, though, and it seems like commenters are in on the joke.
It has been brought to my attention that the quality of my writing improves enormously after humiliating BG defeats, so on your behalf, dear readers, I went out and lost three Alterac Valleys in a row. My future on this website may very well depend on my battlegroup's Horde PuG's continuing to suck. Lifetime employment isn't only for the Japanese, it would seem.
/frown
Today we will discuss a matter of more general concern -- namely, making sure you are invited to a decent guild. Here at WoW Insider we run a question and tip line that is deluged with queries from readers hopeful that we can restore their lost accounts or change their passwords. After explaining to them that we don't actually have anything to do with how the game is run, they leave in a snit over Blizzard's poor customer service and write annoyed threads on the forums, which we then link to in order to have something to write about on slow news days ("Breakfast Topic: Does Blizzard's customer service blow or what?"). This is an excellent system and we are happy with it, but on occasion, actual questions sneak through:
Dear Weasel Girl,
I read your article on PvP and decided to put your ideas to the test. Boy, was I surprised! Not only did my arena rating drop by less than ever, but I also got two more pieces of Season 1 by making myself a barnacle on the arse of a S3 hunter! Also my postnasal drip went away!
But all is not well! I have been kicked out of nine guilds and am trying to find another one. I was wondering if you had any tips on finding a good guild. Especially one with lots of girls or a casual attitude to withdrawals from the guild bank.
Yr. most obedient and humble servant, Pwnsyoo
Well, sir, this is a serious question -- and not just for you, but for the rest of us as well.
This one is just barely related to World of Warcraft, but it's just too good to pass up: behold, Engineers of all races. Our real-life scientists are working on 
I've had my fun with 
Based on your votes last week for the 
I really don't know why, but lately my friends and I are trying to get each other to do something stupid with content we've already mastered. Last night I found myself talking to a good friend of mine and the conversation went something like this:
Bornakk 
Corrosiveaffy on WoW LJ wants to know if there are 
We love covering 
It has been brought to my attention that the quality of my writing 
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